I need to tell you something and it's really hard for me. I would have rathered speak to you on the phone or through Skype, but you told me you don't want people like me in your life. I'm trying to respect that.
You called me a liar. You were right... What I put you through was an act. Honestly, I didn't even realize what I was doing. What I did was the result of a mental breakdown, something you tried so hard to help me avoid. I didn't want the help. I thought I was okay. But there was so much pressure on me to be perfect because I was afraid to lose the one person I really cared about. As soon as I felt like things were changing... as soon as I knew you were slipping away from me... I wanted answers. I knew you wouldn't give them to me and I couldn't handle it. I broke down...
This other person I created. The person I told you lived inside of me. He is there. Not the way I portrayed him, not the act I put. But it was easier for me to talk through this character. I thought you would open up and in return, listen to what he... (what I) had to say.
It was selfish and it was wrong of me. I scared you and even worse... I broke your trust. I'll hate myself forever for choosing to do that.
It's too late to tell you this, but I am getting the help I need. I'm seeing a professional and I'm working hard to change the person I was becoming. I am doing this for me because my whole life was turned upside down after you left. I never should have tried to obligate you to stay.
I know I am responsible and I want you to know that I'm sorry. I want you to know that I still care. I want you to know that if there is anything I regret in this life, it's the fact that I wanted you so badly to be there. I regret making everything about me and never asking you how you feel. I regret disrespecting your family when all they wanted was to protect you. I regret not being able to speak with you... I regret being a liar.
I hope you'll see this. Even though I know you don't go out of your way to check on me. I know I burned every bridge with you. But I had to let this out. I hope you have everything in life and more. You deserve so much. If there's anything I don't regret, it's the time I spent with you... and all the times I got to feel you. I'll never regret loving you. I'll only regret not realizing how lucky I was to fall asleep beside you. I truly am sorry.